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Let's Accelerate Action this International Women's Day

Guest writer: Caroline Kemp, Centre Manager at The Haven Pregnancy Counselling Centre.


This International Women's Day we want to Accelerate Action and break taboos. By partnering with Cove we hope that highlighting these issues which affect so many of us will spark some conversations, so that more women might feel empowered to break the silence and begin to share their experiences with one another.  You are not alone.   


The statistics


It is estimated that in this country 45% of women will have an unplanned pregnancy (which for some will represent a crisis), 1 in 4 women will suffer a pregnancy loss and 1 in 3 women will have had a termination by the age of 45 (based on current rates).


Clearly, many women are affected by each of these issues, and yet there is still so much silence around them and so little understanding and help available for those who are struggling.  

 

The Haven charity was set up 26 years ago here in Mid Sussex (with an office/counselling room in Burgess Hill) to offer free, confidential support to women (and men) facing these very sensitive and painful issues.  

 

Unplanned pregnancy

The room where you will attend for counselling.
The room where you will attend for counselling.

For unplanned pregnancy, women usually come to The Haven for just one or two sessions.  We give them the time and space to explore their often complex and conflicting thoughts and feelings about the pregnancy in a non-judgmental, non-directive and non-pressurised environment to help them gain clarity about the options available to them. 


Some who come to us feel very alone with the decision as they haven’t told anyone else; others may be feeling that there is pressure from the people around them to make a certain choice, but they are not sure.


From the stories we hear, we know how important it is for women, who naturally carry the full weight of the decision and its consequences, to be given space for their thoughts and feelings to be fully expressed and heard in the process of making a decision that can have such far-reaching consequences. 


Termination & Pregnancy loss


For those who are struggling following a termination or pregnancy loss, we offer a structured support programme called Time to Heal. 


This allows the woman (or man) to tell their story and explore the many complex emotions that can feel like a tangled ball of pain within – feelings like anger, depression, anxiety, guilt, shame and grief.  By taking the courageous step to explore these and process them, rather than trying to suppress and ignore them, our clients typically find a great sense of relief and healing.  Many describe the process as life-changing or transformational. 

A bright, welcoming room.
A bright, welcoming room.

 

Here's how one former post-abortion client described her experience: 


“When I first came to The Haven I felt in a constant state of melancholy; guilty and ashamed, anxious, low in self-esteem, distressed and tearful when I was reminded of my termination.  I felt I had changed as a person (for the worse).  I had relationship difficulties and felt alone in my experience, like no one understood me.  I felt scared about my future – would I ever feel myself again or be able to face having kids?  

 

Now, I feel myself again – happy, confident, calm.  No longer upset when I am reminded of my abortion.  The Haven has helped me to process my termination experience, which was hard but has allowed me to feel at peace with my decision and the negative emotions have gone away.  The support programme has allowed me to acknowledge that my baby was a baby and to grieve my loss. 

 

I feel this experience has changed me for the better.  I have more empathy.  I have matured and have learnt skills I can apply.  I am more resilient and able to cope with difficult life events.  I can see a future with my partner and a happy relationship.  I can see myself having children in the future and not being upset or guilty about it.  I feel so much more hopeful and positive about the experience.  I have learnt a lot.  The programme made me feel so understood and validated.  I found comfort in having my experiences normalised and realising I was not alone.  The Advisor truly listened to me without judgment and I felt comfortable to say anything to her.  She was supportive and compassionate.” 

 

In addition to the individual support we provide, for those who have experienced a miscarriage we offer Miscarriage Healing Retreat Days – an opportunity to meet with others who have been through something similar in a lovely, homely environment and have space to explore and process the complex feelings that surround a pregnancy loss. 


Accelerate Action


Most of the Advisors who offer this counselling support generously give their time freely as volunteers, but we do have costs as a charity in training the Advisors, employing a Centre Manager and renting our office/counselling room.  So we are really grateful to Cove for partnering with us so generously for this year’s International Women’s Day! 

 

We hope that highlighting these issues which affect so many of us will spark some conversations, so that more women might feel empowered to break the silence and begin to share their experiences with one another.  You are not alone.   

 

We also hope that any women who find themselves in one of these situations will discover that there is help and support available locally (at no cost) and take that courageous step of getting in touch with us.  The Haven is here for you – give us a call or send us an email.   

#Accelerate Action  


Address: 54a Church Road, Burgess Hill, RH15 9AE

Telephone: 01444 233 333 (24-hour answerphone) We aim to respond to voicemails within 48 hours.



 

 

 
 
 

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